Co-Regulation Strategies for Supporting Autistic Children

Why Co-Regulation Matters MORE for Autistic Kids

In the journey of emotional regulation, co-regulation plays a pivotal role. For autistic children, the path to self-regulation often requires more time and support. This article is part of our complete guide to Emotion Regulation in Autistic Kids: A Parent's Complete Guide. Co-regulation is the process where a caregiver or another person helps an individual regulate their emotions. It's crucial because many autistic children face unique challenges in processing sensory and emotional inputs.

Research by Shanker ¹ emphasizes that co-regulation provides a foundation for developing self-regulation. Unlike neurotypical children, autistic kids may experience heightened sensitivity to sensory inputs, making co-regulation a necessary step in their emotional development journey. Social awareness and relationship skills are enhanced when parents actively participate in co-regulation, as children learn to navigate their emotions with support.

In My Practice

In my practice, I've seen many parents feel overwhelmed when their autistic child struggles with emotional outbursts. Once they understand the importance of co-regulation, they notice a significant improvement in their child's ability to manage emotions. By being present and calm, parents help their children navigate emotional storms more effectively. One family reported that their child, who once had multiple meltdowns daily, began having fewer outbursts once they implemented consistent co-regulation techniques.

Why Your Nervous System is Your Child's Nervous System

Co-regulation isn't just about managing your child's emotions; it's about managing your own as well. A parent's nervous system can significantly influence their child's emotional state. Mazefsky et al. ² found that emotional regulation in autistic children is closely linked to the emotional cues they receive from their caregivers.

Example: Grocery Store Meltdown

Imagine you're at the grocery store with your child, and they start to feel overwhelmed. Instead of reacting with urgency, you take a deep breath and kneel to their level. You might say, "I see that you're upset. It's okay to feel this way. Let's take a moment together." Your calmness helps regulate their nervous system. Self-awareness and self-management play critical roles here, as your ability to remain calm directly impacts your child's capacity to cope with stress.

• Breathing Techniques: Practice deep breathing exercises with your child regularly, so they become a familiar tool in stressful situations.
• Mindful Moments: Incorporate short mindfulness activities into your daily routine to build emotional resilience.

What Co-Regulation Looks Like vs Co-Escalation

Co-regulation involves a shared process of managing emotions, while co-escalation can occur when both parties heighten each other's stress levels. Understanding the difference can prevent emotional spirals.

• Co-Regulation: Staying calm, using gentle words, and providing physical comfort like a hug.
• Co-Escalation: Raising your voice, showing frustration, and reacting impulsively.

Scripted Dialogue

Instead of saying, "Stop crying, it's not a big deal," try, "I see you're upset. Let's sit together and talk about it when you're ready."

In my practice, I've worked with families who initially struggled with co-escalation. By identifying triggers and practicing responsible decision-making, they learned to pause and choose co-regulation techniques instead. This shift greatly improved their child's ability to remain calm during stressful moments.

Specific Phrases That Work (and Don't)

Words have power, especially when guiding a child through their emotions. Use phrases that validate and support.

Real-Life Script: Transition Time

During transition times, like moving from play to dinner, say, "I know it's hard to stop playing. Let's choose one more thing to do before we clean up." This offers a clear path and supports responsible decision-making for your child.

When the Parent Has ADHD or Anxiety Too

Parents with ADHD or anxiety can find co-regulation challenging. It's essential to recognize and address personal emotional triggers to better support your child.

In My Practice

I've worked with parents who manage their own ADHD. By creating structured routines and practicing self-awareness, they found it easier to co-regulate with their children. Simple strategies like setting reminders and creating a calming space at home can make a difference. One parent shared that using a visual schedule helped reduce their anxiety and create a more predictable environment for their child.

Bridging Co- to Self-Regulation: The Gradual Handoff

The goal of co-regulation is to gradually guide your child towards self-regulation. This transition requires patience and consistent support.

Steps to Transition

1. Model Calmness: Show how you manage your emotions in real-time.
2. Encourage Independence: Allow your child to attempt self-soothing strategies, like taking a break or using a calming tool.
3. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge when your child successfully regulates their emotions.

Example: Consider a typical evening routine. After dinner, encourage your child to choose a calming activity, like coloring or reading. Offer guidance but allow them to take the lead, reinforcing their self-management skills.

When to Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, despite best efforts, additional support is necessary. If your child continues to struggle with emotional regulation, consult with professionals like SLPs or occupational therapists. They can provide tailored strategies to support both co- and self-regulation.

Signs to Consider

• Persistent emotional outbursts that disrupt daily life
• Difficulty calming down even with support
• Challenges in transitioning from co- to self-regulation

Consulting with professionals ensures your child receives comprehensive support tailored to their needs. Social stories can also be a valuable tool in addressing specific scenarios, such as navigating new environments.

References

¹ Shanker, S. (2016). Self-Reg — co-regulation as path to self-regulation.

² Mazefsky et al. (2013). Role of emotion regulation in ASD. JAACAP 52:679.

³ Vygotsky, L. (1978). Mind in Society — ZPD.