Can I Play?
Practise joining a group: watch, find a moment, and ask to play.
Be a friend · for autistic and ADHD kids, 3 to 10
How to help an autistic or ADHD child make friends
Build friendships around what your child loves, not around looking “typical”. One good friend who shares an interest can matter more than many. Practise the small parts, like saying hello, taking turns and joining in, in short, low-pressure play.
What it is
Making and keeping friends
Relationship skills are what we use to build and keep healthy relationships, and to get along with all kinds of people. For children, that means the everyday parts: saying hello, taking turns, joining in, listening, and fixing things after a falling-out.
Schools call this Relationship skills, one of the five CASEL social-emotional skills.
- Saying hello, or waving, to a friend
- Taking turns in a game with a little help
- Asking to join in, or inviting someone
- Playing side by side, sharing a space and an interest
- Saying sorry, or making up after an argument
For autistic and ADHD kids
Friendship can look different, and that's fine
Friends do happen
In a small study of autistic children aged 8 to 14, every child named at least one friend. Many also felt lonelier than their classmates. Quality and a shared interest matter more than numbers.
Masking is tiring
Masking means hiding autistic traits to fit in. The National Autistic Society describes it as exhausting over time. Friendships where your child can be themselves are worth more than learned scripts.
ADHD and friendships
Interrupting, big energy or missing a turn can get in the way. In a trial with families of ADHD children aged 6 to 11, coaching parents to guide friendships led to more praise and more help with feelings from parents, and children were less withdrawn months later.
Helps
- Finding friends through interests: clubs, games, shared topics
- Counting playing side by side as real play
- Practising one small step at a time: hello, then a turn
- Short playdates with a clear plan and an end time
Skip
- Requiring eye contact or a “normal” way of playing
- Measuring success by number of friends
- Long scripts to memorise
- Forcing sharing of special objects
Age by age
What it can look like, and what to practise
A rough guide. Autistic and ADHD children often build these skills on their own timeline, and that is fine: start from where your child is today, not from their age.
3 to 5
Often: Noticing other children and starting to join in. By 5, many children follow rules or take turns in simple games.
Practise: Short turn-taking games with you: rolling a ball, building a tower one block each.
6 to 8
Often: First “best friends”, often built on shared play. Starting to use words to sort out small fights.
Practise: Joining a group: watch, find a gap, ask. Saying sorry and making up.
9 to 10
Often: Friendships built on shared interests and loyalty. Handling disagreements and group plans.
Practise: Interest-based clubs. Talking through what went well after time with friends.
Try this at home · 5 minutes
The interest swap
A turn-taking conversation built on what your child loves. Siblings and friends can join in too.
- Your child talks for about 2 minutes about something they love. You just listen.
- Ask one real question about it.
- Swap. You talk about something you love, and your child asks one question.
- Notice out loud what went well: “You asked me about my garden. That's what friends do.”
- Keep it short and fun. Stop while it's still going well.
Practise it in SocialBlossom
Friendship and turn-taking games
11 games, from Starter to Challenging. 3 are free. No wrong answers, no timers, and a calm voice reads everything.
My Turn, Your Turn
Take turns in a calm game, with a clear sign for whose turn it is.
FreeComfort a Friend
A friend feels sad. Pick a way to help that fits them.
- Say Hello!Wave hello to new friendsStarterFree
- My Turn, Your TurnLearn to take turnsEasy
- Nice WordsSay kind wordsEasy
- Can I Play?Join a group and play togetherMedium
- Good ListeningListen and show you heardMedium
- Conversation BuilderPick the best thing to sayMedium
- Team Up!Match strengths to tasksMediumFree
- Comfort a FriendHelp a friend who feels sadChallengingFree
- Fix the FriendshipHelp friends work things outChallenging
- Apology WorkshopBuild a real apologyChallenging
- Peer Pressure ShieldSay no with strengthChallenging
Read more
Guides for parents
Supporting Authentic Social Connections for Autistic Children
Supporting Autistic Children in Social Play: A Guide for Parents
Navigating Friendships: Supporting Children with ADHD in Building Strong Connections
Rethinking Eye Contact: Autistic Communication and Connection
Resolving Children's Conflicts with Restorative Practices
Understanding Friendship Skills by Age: A Guide for Parents
Questions
Questions parents ask
My autistic child has no friends. Should I worry?
Many autistic children have fewer friends, and some are happy with one or two, or with playing side by side. What matters is whether your child is content or lonely. If they want more connection, look for places built around their interests.
How can I help my child make friends at school?
Talk to the teacher about pairing your child with a classmate who shares an interest, and about clubs or calm spaces at break. A short, structured activity together is often easier than open playtime.
How do I teach turn-taking?
Start with very short games with you: one block each, roll the ball back and forth. Use a clear sign for whose turn it is, like a card or a toy, and keep the wait short at first.
How do I teach my child to share?
Start with turns rather than giving things away, use a timer or a clear “your turn, then my turn”, and let your child keep a few special things that don't have to be shared.
Do autistic children feel lonely?
Some do. In one study, autistic children reported feeling lonelier than their classmates, even though every child named at least one friend. Asking your child how they feel about their friendships is the best guide.
Sources
- CASEL. What is the CASEL framework?
- Bauminger & Kasari (2000). Loneliness and friendship in high-functioning children with autism. Child Development.
- National Autistic Society. Masking.
- Smit, Mikami & Normand (2022). Effects of the Parental Friendship Coaching intervention on parental emotion socialization of children with ADHD. Res Child Adolesc Psychopathol.
- Trevisan et al. (2017). How do adults and teens with self-declared autism spectrum disorder experience eye contact? A qualitative analysis of first-hand accounts. PLoS One.
- CDC. Important milestones: your child by three years
- CDC. Important milestones: your child by five years
Written by the SocialBlossom team for parents. It is general information, not a diagnosis or a plan for your child.
Start with Say Hello!
It's free, and the smallest first step: waving hello to a new friend.