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Understanding SEL in Schools: A Parent's Guide to Social Emotional Learning

Reviewed by Rajini D, M.Sc. SLP (AIISH)··8 min read
TL;DR — Social Emotional Learning (SEL) enhances children's emotional and social skills. Programs like Second Step and Sanford Harmony integrate SEL into classrooms. Parents can support SEL by engaging with educators, using social stories at home, and reinforcing emotional skills. Recognize differences between SEL and behavior management for effective development.
Children in a classroom engaging in a social-emotional learning activity with their teacher.

Understanding SEL in Schools

Social Emotional Learning (SEL) is an integral part of modern education, designed to enhance a child's ability to manage emotions, build relationships, and make responsible decisions. For parents, understanding the SEL curriculum in their child's school is crucial. This guide will explore the importance of SEL in schools, highlight key programs like Second Step, and provide advice on how to engage with educators about these programs effectively.

In This Guide

What is SEL?

SEL is the process through which children and adults acquire the skills needed to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions. According to the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), SEL can improve students' academic performance, reduce aggression, and lead to better social behaviors 1.

The Role of SEL in K-5 Education

In K-5 education, SEL is particularly important as it lays the foundation for future learning and development. Programs like the Second Step curriculum aim to integrate SEL into daily classroom activities, allowing children to practice these skills in a supportive environment 2.

Example Scenario: Imagine a classroom where students are learning about empathy through a storytelling session. The teacher reads a story about a child who is feeling left out, and students discuss how they might feel in that situation and what they could do to help. This not only fosters empathy but also encourages students to express their feelings and support their peers.

In my practice: I've worked with schools where teachers use morning meetings as a platform for SEL activities. These sessions often begin with a simple question like, "How are you feeling today?" allowing students to voice their emotions and setting a tone of mutual respect and understanding for the day.

Teacher reading a story to children seated in a circle, highlighting empathy through storytelling.

Top SEL Programs in Schools

Choosing the right SEL program is essential for effectively fostering emotional and social skills in students. Several programs are widely used across the United States, each with unique strengths and focuses.

Second Step Program

The Second Step program, developed by the Committee for Children, is one of the most widely used SEL curricula in US schools. It emphasizes skills for learning, empathy, emotion management, and problem-solving 2. This program is praised for its comprehensive approach to integrating SEL into everyday classroom activities.

Key Features
  • Structured lessons that build on each other.
  • Activities that encourage real-life application of SEL skills.
  • Resources for teachers to effectively implement the program.

Example in Practice: In a Second Step lesson, students might engage in a role-playing activity where they simulate a problem-solving scenario. For instance, two students might pretend to have a disagreement over a shared toy, and the class discusses how to resolve the conflict using empathy and cooperation.

Sanford Harmony

Sanford Harmony focuses on promoting communication, collaboration, and relationship-building among students. It includes lessons that help students understand and respect diversity, manage conflict, and work cooperatively 3.

Example Scenario: Picture a classroom where students engage in a "Meet Up" session, part of Sanford Harmony, where they discuss daily goals and reflect on interpersonal interactions. This routine helps students build stronger connections with classmates and improves their ability to collaborate.

In my practice: I've seen how Sanford Harmony's "Buddy Up" activities can transform classroom dynamics. By pairing students who don't usually work together, they learn to appreciate diverse perspectives and build new friendships.

Children in a classroom during a Sanford Harmony session, discussing goals and interactions.

Yale RULER

Yale's RULER approach is another popular SEL framework that emphasizes the development of emotional intelligence through recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions 4. The RULER program is research-based and has been shown to improve emotional climate in classrooms.

Example in Practice: In my practice, I've seen schools successfully use RULER to enhance students' emotional vocabulary. Teachers would use mood meters to help students articulate their feelings, fostering an environment where students feel safe to express themselves.

Case Study: Consider a class where the teacher introduces RULER's "Feeling Words Curriculum." Students start their day by selecting a word from a "mood meter" posted on the wall. This simple act of recognition and labeling helps students become more self-aware and better at managing their emotions.

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How to Engage with Your Child's School About SEL

Parents play a critical role in supporting their child's SEL development, and engaging with schools is a crucial part of this process. However, it's important to approach the topic thoughtfully.

Asking the Right Questions

When talking to teachers about SEL, focus on understanding the program's impact on your child. Here are a few questions to consider:

  • What SEL program does the school use?
  • How are SEL skills integrated into daily learning?
  • How can parents support SEL at home?

For more tips, see How to Ask Your Child's Teacher About SEL Practices.

Example of a Conversation: "I'm interested in understanding how SEL is taught in the classroom. Can you tell me more about the program and how I might reinforce these skills at home?"

In my practice: I've guided parents to initiate these conversations by attending parent-teacher meetings prepared with specific questions about SEL. This proactive approach not only informs parents but also shows educators that SEL is valued at home.

Parent speaking with a teacher about SEL programs, with emotion posters in the background.

Bridging SEL from School to Home

SEL doesn't stop at school. Parents can reinforce these skills at home through various activities and discussions.

Using Social Stories

Social stories are an excellent tool for reinforcing SEL at home. These stories use simple narratives to teach children about social norms and emotional responses. You can find a variety of social stories that align with SEL topics like sharing, emotional regulation, and cooperation.

Example of Using a Social Story: One effective way to support SEL at home is to use a story like Calm Down with Charlie: Learning to Share. Read the story with your child and discuss the emotions and decisions of the characters. Encourage your child to relate these experiences to their own life.

Practical Activities

  • Emotional Check-Ins: Create a routine where you ask your child about their feelings each day. This could be as simple as asking, "What was the best part of your day?" and "Did anything make you feel upset?"
  • Role-Playing: Engage in role-playing activities to practice conflict resolution or empathy.

In my practice, I've seen families use dinner time as an opportunity for emotional check-ins. By asking each family member to share their "rose and thorn" of the day, everyone gets a chance to practice expressing emotions and listening.

For more on building inclusive environments, see Advocating for Inclusive SEL Classrooms.

Family sharing daily highs and lows at dinner, practicing emotional check-ins.

Challenges and Considerations

While SEL has many benefits, there are challenges in its implementation. Some programs may unintentionally blur the line between SEL and behavior management. It's essential for parents to recognize this and advocate for a program that truly supports emotional growth rather than simply managing behavior 5.

Recognizing True SEL

An effective SEL program should focus on fostering emotional intelligence and social skills, not just controlling behavior. Parents should ensure that SEL goals are aligned with their child's emotional development needs.

Example Warning Sign: If an SEL program focuses solely on reducing unwanted behaviors without addressing the underlying emotional skills, it may not be effective. It's crucial for parents to ask how SEL goals are set and measured, ensuring they align with emotional development.

In my practice: I once worked with a school that prioritized reducing disciplinary actions over developing SEL skills. By shifting the focus to emotional understanding and empathy, students began to show genuine improvements in behavior and interpersonal skills.

To learn more about these distinctions, check out When SEL Becomes 'Behavior Management'.

Infographic showing differences between SEL and behavior management with labeled elements.

Conclusion

Understanding and engaging with your child's SEL curriculum is vital for supporting their emotional and social development. By asking informed questions, using resources like social stories, and reinforcing skills at home, parents can significantly enhance their child's SEL journey.

References

  1. CASEL SELect program rubric. Retrieved from https://casel.org/
  2. Second Step (Committee for Children). Retrieved from https://www.secondstep.org/
  3. Sanford Harmony. Retrieved from https://sanfordharmony.org/
  4. Yale RULER. Retrieved from https://www.rulerapproach.org/
  5. Durlak, J. A., et al. (2011). The impact of enhancing students’ social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21291449/

Try It This Month

Reading is the easy part. Skills build through small, repeated practice — here's a low-pressure plan you can try with your child.

  1. 1
    Start a daily emotional check-inDaily, 5 min
    Create a routine where you ask your child about their feelings each day to build emotional awareness and expression.
    👉 What this looks like
    Each morning, as you prepare breakfast, ask your child, 'What color is your day today?' This metaphorical question encourages them to express emotions without needing to name them directly. Respond with empathy, 'A blue day? Sounds a bit sad. Want to talk about it?' This simple routine helps kids articulate feelings and feel heard.
  2. 2
    Incorporate social storiesTwice a week
    Use social stories to teach social norms and emotional responses. Relate them to real-life situations.
    👉 What this looks like
    Choose a social story like 'Calm Down with Charlie: Learning to Share' and read it during a quiet time. Discuss the characters' emotions and decisions afterward. Ask questions like, 'How did Charlie feel when he shared?' and 'What would you do in that situation?' This helps children relate stories to their experiences.
    use this story →
  3. 3
    Engage in role-playing gamesThis weekend
    Practice conflict resolution and empathy through role-playing activities to build social skills.
    👉 What this looks like
    Set up a role-playing game where you and your child act out a common conflict scenario, such as deciding who gets the last cookie. Guide them to express feelings, 'I feel sad because I want the cookie too,' and find a solution together, 'Maybe we can split it?'. This teaches negotiation and empathy.
  4. 4
    Discuss SEL with teachersOnce this month
    Initiate conversations with teachers about SEL programs and how you can reinforce them at home.
    👉 What this looks like
    During the next parent-teacher meeting, ask specific questions about the SEL curriculum: 'How are SEL skills being integrated into the daily schedule?' and 'What can we do at home to support these lessons?' This engagement shows your commitment and helps align home and school efforts.
    learn more in this guide →
  5. 5
    Model emotional regulationDaily
    Demonstrate how you manage your emotions in everyday situations to teach by example.
    👉 What this looks like
    When feeling frustrated, like when you're stuck in traffic, narrate your emotions out loud: 'I'm feeling a bit impatient because we're late. I'm going to take three deep breaths to calm down.' Showing this process helps children learn self-regulation through observation.
  6. 6
    Plan a family SEL nightThis month
    Dedicate an evening to SEL activities, fostering a family culture of emotional learning.
    👉 What this looks like
    Organize a family SEL night with games focused on emotional learning. Play a game of 'Emotion Charades,' where each family member acts out different feelings while others guess. Afterward, discuss how it felt to express and recognize those emotions, enhancing family understanding and connection.
  7. 7
    Explore SEL resourcesOnce this month
    Research additional SEL resources to expand your toolkit and keep activities fresh.
    👉 What this looks like
    Visit websites like CASEL or explore the SocialBlossom app for new SEL activities and insights. Choose one new activity to try with your child and discuss its impact afterward. This continuous learning approach keeps SEL engaging and relevant.
    in the SocialBlossom app →

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the main purpose of SEL in schools?
SEL aims to help students develop essential emotional and social skills, such as managing emotions, building relationships, and making responsible decisions.
How can I find out what SEL program my child's school uses?
Start by asking your child's teacher or school counselor about the SEL curriculum. Attend school meetings or events focused on SEL to learn more.
Are SEL programs effective for all students?
Research shows SEL programs can benefit all students by improving academic performance, reducing aggression, and enhancing social behaviors.
How can parents support SEL at home?
Parents can support SEL by using social stories, practicing emotional check-ins, and engaging in role-playing activities with their children.
What should I do if SEL seems like behavior management at my child's school?
Discuss your concerns with school staff. Ensure SEL goals focus on emotional and social development rather than just managing behavior.
Can SEL reduce bullying in schools?
Yes, SEL can play a significant role in reducing bullying by fostering empathy, improving communication, and promoting respectful interactions.
How often should SEL be practiced at home?
Regular practice is beneficial. Integrate SEL activities into daily routines, such as dinner time discussions or bedtime stories, to reinforce skills.

References

  1. CASEL SELect program rubric. Retrieved from https://casel.org/
  2. Second Step (Committee for Children). Retrieved from https://www.secondstep.org/
  3. Sanford Harmony. Retrieved from https://sanfordharmony.org/
  4. Yale RULER. Retrieved from https://www.rulerapproach.org/
  5. Durlak, J. A., et al. (2011). The impact of enhancing students’ social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21291449/
Rajini Darugupally, Speech-Language Pathologist
Rajini Darugupally
Speech-Language Pathologist · M.Sc. SLP (AIISH) · 10+ years of clinical experience
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Educational, not medical advice. This article is for informational purposes and is not a substitute for professional medical or therapeutic advice. If you have clinical concerns about your child, please talk to your pediatrician, speech-language pathologist, or other qualified professional.