Using Social Stories to Help Autistic Children Identify and Manage Emotions
Why Social Stories Help with Emotion Identification
Social stories are a powerful tool for helping autistic children identify and manage their emotions. Developed by Carol Gray, these stories use simple language and clear illustrations to explain social situations and emotional responses 1. They are particularly effective for autistic children, who often navigate a unique social-emotional development path. Social stories help children understand what they might feel in certain situations and what strategies they can use to cope.
Emotion-specific stories are especially beneficial because they address specific feelings like anger, sadness, and overwhelm. By recognizing these emotions through structured narratives, children can develop better self-awareness and management skills. This article is part of our complete guide to Social Stories for Autistic Kids: A Parent's Complete Guide.
In my practice, I have observed that social stories do more than just provide information. They act as a bridge, connecting the child's internal experience with the external world. When children see their emotions mirrored in a story, it validates their feelings and can reduce anxiety around emotional expression. This validation is crucial in developing self-awareness, one of the core competencies of social-emotional learning (SEL).
Story 1: When I Feel Angry
Anger is a powerful emotion that can be challenging for autistic children to understand and express. A social story about feeling angry might include scenarios that typically trigger anger, such as losing a game or not getting a turn on the playground.
Example: The Case of the Broken Toy
Imagine that your child has a favorite toy that breaks. A social story could guide them through recognizing their anger and choosing a calming strategy. This story might say, "When I feel angry because my toy broke, I can take deep breaths and ask for help to fix it."
Steps to Calm Down:
- Recognize the feeling: "I feel angry."
- Breathe deeply three times.
- Ask a grown-up for help.
Using resources like Calm Down Steps When I'm Feeling Angry can support this process.
In my practice, I have seen children transform their outbursts into opportunities for growth by consistently using social stories. One parent shared how their child, initially prone to tantrums when things didn’t go their way, began to verbalize their feelings after engaging with a story about anger. This shift not only improved the child's self-management skills but also enhanced the parent-child relationship, as they could now navigate emotions together more effectively.
Story 2: When I Feel Sad
Sadness is another emotion that can be hard for autistic children to express. Social stories can help by offering a narrative that validates their feelings and suggests comforting actions.
In My Practice
In my practice, I've seen many parents find success with stories that include comforting rituals, like hugging a favorite stuffed animal or listening to calming music. These stories reassure children that it's okay to feel sad and that there are ways to feel better.
Comforting Actions:
- Hug a favorite toy.
- Listen to a soothing song.
- Talk to a trusted adult.
Explore Understanding Our Feelings: A Printable Social Story for more ideas.
Example: Consider a child who feels sad about not being able to play outside due to rain. A social story can help them understand their sadness and provide comfort by saying, "When I feel sad because I can't play outside, I can hug my teddy bear and remember that the rain will stop soon." By offering tangible actions, stories empower children to take steps toward emotional regulation.
Story 3: When I Feel Overwhelmed
Feeling overwhelmed is common for many autistic children, especially in busy or noisy environments. A social story can help by breaking down the experience and offering step-by-step coping mechanisms.
Scripted Scenario: Overwhelmed at the Supermarket
Suppose you're at a busy supermarket, and your child starts to feel overwhelmed. A social story might include:
- Recognize: "I feel overwhelmed when there are too many people."
- Breathe: Take three deep breaths.
- Signal: Use a hand signal to let the parent know they need a break.
- Find: Move to a quieter place if possible.
These steps can be practiced and reinforced with the Listening to My Body: Taking a Break - Social Story.
In my practice, I encourage parents to use these stories before heading into potentially overwhelming situations. By preparing in advance, children can build confidence in their ability to manage their feelings. One parent noted that after practicing a "Supermarket Story," their child could independently signal when they needed a break, showcasing a newfound sense of self-management.
Story 4: When I Feel Scared
Fear is a natural emotion that children must learn to navigate. A social story can demystify fear and teach children how to manage it with confidence.
Example: The Thunderstorm
A social story might describe a situation like a thunderstorm, which can be scary for many children. It could include phrases like, "When the thunder is loud, I can cover my ears and remind myself that I am safe inside."
Steps to Feel Safe:
- Cover ears if the noise is too much.
- Remind themselves of safety: "I am safe inside."
- Talk to an adult about what makes them feel scared.
Scripted Dialogue: Instead of saying, "Don't be scared," you might try, "I hear the thunder too. It's loud. But remember, we're safe inside. Let's count the seconds between the lightning and the thunder." This dialogue not only reassures but also engages the child's curiosity and analytical skills.
When to Use Stories WITH Co-Regulation
While social stories are incredibly helpful, they work best when used alongside co-regulation strategies. Co-regulation involves parents or caregivers helping children manage their emotions by modeling calm behavior and offering support 3.
In My Practice
In my practice, I often advise parents to read social stories during calm moments and practice co-regulation techniques when emotions run high. For instance, during a meltdown, a parent might calmly narrate, "Let's breathe together and think about our story on feeling calm."
To effectively co-regulate, it's important to maintain a calm demeanor yourself. Children often mirror the emotional states of those around them. Practicing deep breathing and mindful presence can significantly influence a child's emotional stability, reinforcing the techniques learned through social stories.
Customizing for Your Child's Specific Triggers
Every child is unique, and customizing social stories to address specific triggers is crucial. Whether it's a fear of thunderstorms or anxiety about school transitions, personalized stories can make a significant difference.
- Identify triggers by observing your child's reactions.
- Incorporate familiar scenarios and solutions in the story.
- Review and adjust the story as needed for effectiveness.
In my practice, I often work with parents to tailor stories to their child's unique needs. One family created a story about starting a new school by including pictures of the school and the classroom teacher. This personal touch helped the child feel more secure and excited about the transition.
For more on customization, see How to Write Your First Social Story (Template + Walkthrough).
References
1 Gray, C. (2010). The New Social Story Book (15th Anniversary Edition). Future Horizons.
2 Mazefsky, C. A., Herrington, J., Siegel, M., Scarpa, A., Maddox, B. B., Scahill, L., & White, S. W. (2013). The role of emotion regulation in autism spectrum disorder. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 52(7), 679-688. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2013.05.006
3 Shanker, S. (2016). Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life. Penguin Random House.
Try It This Week
Reading is the easy part. Skills build through small, repeated practice — here's a low-pressure plan you can try with your child.
- 1Read a social story togetherDay 1Choose a social story that addresses an emotion your child often experiences. Read it together, discussing the feelings and coping strategies shown.use this story →👉 What this looks likeSelect a story about anger. Sit with your child in a quiet space. Read the story aloud, pausing to ask, 'How do you think the character feels?' Discuss the steps the character takes to manage their anger. Your child might say, 'I feel like that sometimes.' Validate this feeling and explore the coping strategies together.
- 2Practice deep breathingDay 2-3Teach your child a simple deep breathing technique. Use it during calm times so they can apply it when emotions run high.👉 What this looks likeDuring a calm moment, say, 'Let's practice our deep breaths. Inhale slowly, hold for a second, and exhale slowly.' Encourage your child to feel their tummy rise and fall. Repeat this together three times. Explain how this helps calm the body and mind, making it easier to handle strong emotions.
- 3Create a comfort cornerThis weekendDesignate a special spot in your home as a comfort corner with familiar items to soothe your child when they feel sad or overwhelmed.👉 What this looks likeChoose a corner with your child, adding a comfy chair, a favorite stuffed animal, and some calming music. Tell your child, 'This is your comfort corner. When you feel sad or need a break, you can come here to hug your bear or listen to music.' This teaches a safe, supportive response to emotions.
- 4Role-play a challenging scenarioDay 4-5Act out a common situation that makes your child anxious. Use role-play to practice responses and coping strategies.👉 What this looks likeIf your child fears thunderstorms, simulate the scenario. Say, 'Pretend there's thunder. What can you do?' Guide them to cover their ears and remind themselves, 'I'm safe inside.' Praise their actions, reinforcing that they can handle the real situation with these steps.
- 5Narrate self-regulationDailyModel self-regulation by narrating your emotions and coping strategies in everyday situations for your child to observe and learn.👉 What this looks likeNext time you're frustrated (like when in traffic), say out loud, 'I'm getting frustrated because we're stuck. I'm going to breathe deeply to calm down.' Perform the action visibly. Your child learns from watching you handle feelings, picking up self-regulation skills naturally.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are social stories?
How can social stories help autistic children?
When should I use social stories?
Can social stories be customized?
What emotions can social stories cover?
What is co-regulation?
How do I create a social story?
References
- Gray, C. (2010). The New Social Story Book (15th Anniversary Edition). Future Horizons.
- Mazefsky, C. A., Herrington, J., Siegel, M., Scarpa, A., Maddox, B. B., Scahill, L., & White, S. W. (2013). The role of emotion regulation in autism spectrum disorder. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 52(7), 679-688.
- Shanker, S. (2016). Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life. Penguin Random House.
