Supporting Autistic Children in Social Play: A Guide for Parents

Why 'Just Go Play' Doesn't Work

For many autistic children, the phrase "just go play" can be overwhelming rather than inviting. Unlike their neurotypical peers, autistic children often experience social-emotional development on a different trajectory. This isn't a deficit but a difference that requires understanding and support. Social-emotional learning (SEL) frameworks, like those offered by SocialBlossom, provide tools that recognize and honor these differences. By acknowledging unique social cues and communication methods, autistic children can feel more comfortable engaging in group activities without the pressure to conform to neurotypical standards.

In my practice, I've noticed that when parents encourage their children to "just join in," it often leads to misunderstanding and stress for the child. Structured approaches like scripts and visual supports provide the predictability and clarity these children need to navigate social situations effectively. Scripts offer a roadmap of what to expect and how to respond, while visual supports help in grounding the child by offering step-by-step guidance. These strategies not only enhance participation but also build confidence by reducing anxiety linked with unpredictability.

This article is part of our complete guide to Social Skills for Autistic Kids — Without Masking.

Step-by-Step Joining Script

Scripts can be powerful tools for autistic children, providing them with a clear and predictable way to engage with peers. Here’s a step-by-step script that can be adapted for various situations:

1. Approach the group slowly. Stand at a comfortable distance.
2. Observe the activity. Notice what the other children are doing.
3. Use a friendly greeting. Say, "Hi, can I play too?"
4. Wait for a response. Give them time to answer.
5. If invited, join in. Follow the group’s lead in the activity.
6. If not invited, try again later. Politely say, "Okay, maybe next time," and find another activity.

These steps can be reinforced with a social story download that provides visual and narrative guidance, helping the child understand and rehearse the interaction in a safe space.

The Role of Repetition

Repetition plays a significant role in helping autistic children internalize and feel comfortable with scripts. By practicing these steps repeatedly, children can gradually build familiarity and reduce the anxiety associated with social interactions. Repeated exposure also allows them to refine their approach and adapt the script to different contexts, enhancing their social adaptability.

Scripts for 3 Common Scenarios

Recess

Imagine your child is at recess. They see a group playing tag. Using the script above, they approach the group:

• Child: “Hi, can I play too?”
• Group: “Sure, you can be 'it' next!”

This scenario helps the child understand the flow of joining a game and builds confidence in their social interactions. Recess is often a less structured time, making it ideal for practicing these skills in a real-world setting.

Birthday Party

At a birthday party, the environment can be overstimulating. Here's how a script can help:

• Child: “Hi, I like your balloons. Can I help with the games?”
• Host: “Yes, we’re about to start a relay race!”

Such scripts guide children in initiating conversations and participating comfortably. By providing a framework for interaction, scripts can alleviate the stress of new social settings.

New Group

Joining a new group can be daunting. Here's a script for meeting new peers:

• Child: “Hello, my name is Alex. Can I join your building team?”
• New Friend: “Hi Alex! Sure, we need more builders!”

These examples show how scripts can facilitate smoother interactions across different settings. They empower children to take initiative, fostering independence and resilience in social environments.

Visual Support: 'How to Join' Card

Visual supports are invaluable for autistic children. A 'How to Join' card can offer visual cues that reinforce the steps in the script. This card might include:

• Pictures for each step: Approaching, observing, greeting, waiting, and joining.
• Simple text reminders: Short phrases that match each image.

These supports can be used in conjunction with social stories to create a comprehensive learning tool. Visual aids can be easily adapted to suit various scenarios, making them versatile tools for supporting social engagement.

Additional Visual Tools

Incorporating additional visual aids like emotion cards can help children express their feelings during interactions. These cards can provide visual representations of different emotions, assisting children in identifying and communicating their emotional states. This enhances their self-awareness and helps peers understand their perspectives better.

When to Back Off vs Intervene as a Parent

Parents often struggle with knowing when to step in or allow their child to manage social situations independently. It’s crucial to strike a balance that empowers the child without overwhelming them.

Back Off When:

• The child seems comfortable and is participating.
• The situation is safe and non-threatening.

Intervene When:

• The child appears distressed or overwhelmed.
• There’s a risk of exclusion or bullying.

In my practice, I've seen many parents learn this balance by observing their child’s cues and discussing strategies in advance. It helps to have a plan and to trust the process of gradual independence. For example, one parent noticed their child becoming more withdrawn at social events. By gently asking, "Would you like me to help you find a friend or do you want to try on your own?" they empowered their child to make a choice, fostering decision-making skills.

The Social-Thinking Debate

Social thinking frameworks have faced criticism for encouraging autistic children to mask their differences to blend in. Critics argue this approach can lead to stress and a loss of identity. Instead of enforcing neurotypical norms, it’s crucial to provide tools that respect autistic identities. Scripts and visual supports offer an alternative by focusing on clarity and predictability without masking. Emphasizing strengths and individuality allows children to engage socially in ways that are comfortable and authentic for them.

Different Doesn't Mean Broken

The journey of joining a group doesn't have to mean conforming to traditional social norms. Autistic children bring unique perspectives and strengths to social interactions. Recognizing and supporting these differences can lead to more meaningful and authentic connections. It's about celebrating diversity in social-emotional learning.

For more on fostering social skills without masking, explore Friendship Skills for Autistic Kids: Alternatives to 'Make Eye Contact' and When Autistic and NT Kids Clash: Navigating the 'Double Empathy' Gap.

References

¹ Milton, D. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the 'double empathy problem'. Disability & Society 27:883

² Gray, C. (2010). The New Social Story Book (15th Anniversary Edition). Future Horizons

³ Sasson, N. & Morrison, K. (2019). First-impression bias against autistic adults. Sci Reports